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+--- Thread: DIVORCE AGREEMENT (/showthread.php?tid=579700)
DIVORCE AGREEMENT - wiperhunter2 - 04-12-2010
>
> Dear American liberals, leftists, social progressives, socialists,
> Marxists
> and Obama supporters, et al:
>
> We have stuck together since the late 1950's for the sake of the kids,
> but
> the whole of this latest election process has made me realize that I
> want a
> divorce.... I know we tolerated each other for many years for the sake
> of
> future generations, but
ly, this relationship has clearly run its> course.
>
>
> Our two ideological sides of America cannot and will not ever agree on
> what
> is right for us all, so let's just end it on friendly terms. We can
>
> and chalk it up to irreconcilable differences and go our own way.
>
> Here is a model separation agreement:
>
> Our two groups can equitably divide up the country by landmass each
> taking a
> similar portion. That will be the difficult part, but I am sure our two
> sides can come to a friendly agreement. After that, it should be
> relatively
> easy! Our respective representatives can effortlessly divide other
> assets
> since both sides have such distinct and disparate tastes.
>
> We don't like redistributive taxes so you can keep them. You are welcome
> to
> the liberal judges and the ACLU. Since you hate guns and war, we'll take
> our
> firearms, the cops, the NRA and the military. We'll take the nasty,
> smelly
> oil industry and you can go with wind, solar and biodiesel. You can
> keep
> Oprah, Michael Moore and Rosie O'Donnell (You are, however, responsible
> for
> finding a bio-diesel vehicle big enough to move all three of them).
>
> We'll keep capitalism, greedy corporations, pharmaceutical companies,
> Wal-Mart and Wall Street. You can have your beloved lifelong welfare
> dwellers, food stamps, homeless, homeboys, hippies, druggies and illegal
> aliens. We'll keep the hot Alaskan hockey moms, greedy CEO's and
> rednecks.
> We'll keep the Bibles and give you NBC and Hollywood .
>
> You can make nice with Iran and Palestine and we'll retain the right to
> invade and hammer places that threaten us. You can have the peaceniks
> and
> war protesters. When our allies or our way of life are under assault,
> we'll
> help provide them security.
>
> We'll keep our Judeo-Christian values.. You are welcome to Islam,
> Scientology, Humanism, political correctness and Shirley McClain. You
> can
> also have the U.N.. but we will no longer be paying the bill.
>
> We'll keep the SUV's, pickup trucks and oversized luxury cars. You can
> take
> every Subaru station wagon you can find.
>
> You can give everyone healthcare if you can find any practicing doctors.
> We'll continue to believe healthcare is a luxury and not a right. We'll
> keep The Battle Hymn of the Republic and the National Anthem. I'm sure
> you'll be happy to substitute Imagine, I'd Like to Teach the World to
> Sing,
> Kum Ba Ya or We Are the World.
>
> We'll practice trickle down economics and you can continue to give
> trickle
> up poverty your best shot.
>
>
>
> Since it often so offends you, we'll keep our history,
> our
> name and our flag.
>
> Would you agree to this? If so, please pass it along to
> other like minded liberal and conservative patriots and if you do not
> agree,
> just hit delete. In the spirit of friendly parting, I'll bet you Answer
> which one of us will need whose help in 15 years.
>
> Sincerely,
> John J. Wall
> Law Student and an American
>
> P. S. Also, please take Ted Turner, Sean Penn, Martin
> Sheen,
> Barbara Streisand, & Jane Fonda with you.
>
> P. S. S. And you won't have to press 1 for English when
> you
> call our country.
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